It’s the most wonderful time of the year, and no I am not talking about the NBA draft, (which honestly was boring as watching paint dry this year because of NO SHURNA being drafted which is a damn shame). But that’s besides the point I’m here to reveal the NBA’s ugliest players of the last 12 or so years. Now before I begin a few things I like to say before I start. This list is nothing personal, just business. 2nd this is all based off of how thery look on the hardwood, not when they wear their Sunday’s finest, ya dig? Ok starting with #10.
10. Brian “White Mamba” Scalabrine- The man the myth the Mamba. an Urban Legend wherever he plays but best known in Boston and Chi-Town. Look I’m not hating on Scal, he seems and probably is the greatest and nicest guy in the world, but the red curly hair can get bad when he skips his appointment at SportClips. Still a Hall of Famer in my book, Stay Blessed Scal.
9. Joakim Noah- Jo and I share a special bond even though the closet I ever came to him was when I was at a Bulls game, but he’s a great player with a high motor that will never stop. A key ingredient to the Bulls success now and for years to come. But dude even though I love ya, GET A HAIRCUT. I know, I know it’s his thing and style but at this point I’m ready to schedule a private appointment with my aunt (who is a great hair Stylist) to tame that thing. The gap in the teeth doesn’t help either, but for the record, best draft day suit in history. Keep killin’ it Jo.
8. Charlie Villanueva- He’d be number 1 if he didn’t have a disease that makes him lose all the hair on his face and head. But man even if you gave him some hair and a beard…tell me he would look better… that’s what I thought. Still feel sorry for him and that’s why he is 8th.
7. Andrei Kirilenko- When he enters the game many mistake him for Ivan Drago, yes the dude Rocky boxes in the Soviet Union, also my favorite Rocky movie if you’re keeping score at home. Anyways, that Russian angry man look with the every now and then long hair just doesn’t cut it, probably another reason why he is not on an NBA team too.
6. Chris Bosh- Jurassic Park is where this man really should be. Great player don’t get me wrong but the way he runs and the face he makes when he gets pumped up scares me… a little. Honestly Chris you and the Raptors were the perfect fit man!
5. Vlade Divac- Flashback to 2001 when it was Kings vs. Lakers in the Western Conference Playoffs. Vlade Divac and that out of control beard, leaves me left with no words other than…ugly. That my friends is what we call the mountain man look, well give him credit, he makes it work.
4. Chris “Birdman” Anderson- If I ever need a tattoo I won’t be going to the local tattoo man, because Anderson looks like he knows what he is doing. covered from neck to foot, the man is the jack of all tattoo’s, ranging from colorful dragons to the respectable paragraphs of ink writings, the man has it all. And oh yeah that Mohawk he rocks? First Class. Even though its an awful look give the man credit, he does look like a tatted Bird.
3. Chris Kaman- Ok to be fair, he looks like Liam Neeson as Qui Gon Jinn in Star Wars with long hair. Which I mean as a huge Star Wars fan as a kid, is high praise. But when he shaves those goldelocks off and grows out the orange/yellow beard…yikes. Can you say, MOUNTAIN MAN.
2. Adam Morrison- When I’m a senior in high school and during my last week when everday has a theme and “White Trash Wednesday” comes up, I will do my very best to look like Adam Morrison because I will look the best out of everybody hands down. The long gross black hair with the Rollie Fingers mustache, bro. Sad thing is, he was the biggest bust this decade and is still a millionaire.
1. Drum roll please… Sam Cassell- When ET came to Earth, he brought his twin brother Sam with him. Google Cassell and I gurantee you that ET comparisons come up. He looks like an alien and he knows it but man in his hayday brotha had some game. Then again If I was the ugliest man on some kid’s “All Ugly team” and still had a ring or two, I wouldn’t care either.
Food For thought: Now that he is offically an NBA player, Anthony Davis, the new captain of the next decade’s All Ugly Team.